Thursday, October 15, 2009

A good rule to live by for filmmakers: Never name a movie after a great movie quote

Alright, so there's this movie on Hulu entitled You Talkin' to me?(read the comments for some more perspective.) that really blows, (and I think it's meant to do this) but I can't seem to get anything going that resembles a good film diary, so I'll just do a mini-review and point out the awfulness. The story is about a young actor living in New York named Bronson Green, (some no-name actor) who has a stupid obsession (one that's not clearly defined with origin or principal, or any specific reasoning to why this happens by the way) with Robert De Niro.(especially in Taxi Driver, hence the title) His friend (it's the guy who was Bubba in Forrest Gump) is a model and decides to move to Los Angeles and wants Bronson to come with him. (wait a minute, wait a minute...........isn't this the plot set-up from Stir Crazy?) Bronson arrives in LA and gets a job ironically as a taxi driver. He continuously gets rejected for auditions for acting roles. Eventually he has an epiphany and realizes production companies are looking for a certain look, not acting skill. (which he has neither) The look, for some reason, is blonde hair and a stupid surfer persona. So, he decides to change his look (before he had dark hair, had a New York accent, and acted like De Niro. Seriously.) to the surfer look. (It's apparent he's terrible acting this look. Even the actor's in the movie think he sucks.) (Some guy he meets on the street tells him he thinks he's insane.) He meets an attractive blonde girl (played by Faith Ford who was Corky Sherwood on Murphy Brown. Here's a good clip.) He begins to date her, and her father finds out. Her father meets Bronson and decides to hire him as a spokesperson for his TV show. Bronson eventually finds out he's a christian...and a raving racist. His black friend, (named Thatcher by the way) has a problem with this and confronts Bronson. Then, after that melo-drama, the kicker in the story happens. Bronson and his girlfriend are at the movies (watching Taxi Driver undoubtedly even though he has a different look) (Worth Noting: This movie takes place in the late 80's. Taxi Driver was released in 1976. So how the hell can Bronson continue to watch the movie in theaters?) His old girlfriend barrels in to the theater where she automatically knows where Bronson is.(I don't know how she knew this.) She confronts Bronson who walks out of the theater with his girlfriend trying to ignore his ex-girlfriend. She then reveals Bronson isn't who he says he is. (he had a different look before he met beautiful blonde) She says this as if it's a horrible thing he's done, in which his current girlfriend gets upset and starts bawling before she runs off. (she even says the classic "How could you do this to me!?" line.)(Why she's upset, I'll never know) Bronson now torn with his bombarded relationships between his friend and girlfriend, fritters around until he finds out the plot of his friend's embarrassing conclusion. (or the dumb moviewatcher may think) Archer(blonde's father, Bronson's boss) plans on taking his goons with him to kidnap Thatcher, taking him to the top of a billboard where he's featured in a milk advertisement, and dumping white paint on him to embarrass him with self-humiliation. (yeah, this is the plot of the exciting climax. But, it does match the rest of the awfulness of this movie) To make a long story short, Bronson and his girlfriend (who shows up out of nowhere to help him) save the day, predictably. Nothing else noteworthy happens, the end. The moral of the story; anyone can make a feature film, I guess. Especially the son of a famous movie producer.

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