Awfulness-10
Unintentional Comedy-10
Dumb/Stupid Lines-31
WTF Moments-27
Summary-Oh Thank You,
great website..... Review-Alright, lets get started because this is gonna be a long one. First, this is, without a doubt, the funniest unintentional comedy of all time. Nothing in this movie makes
any sense. You’ll hear dumb quote after dumb quote, unbelievable scene after unbelievable scene, dumb acting, that is so horrible, I don’t know how the fuck to describe it, terrible editing, in which the actor’s are
way off cue and the scene was shot too long and needed to be cut but wasn’t for whatever reason. Charles Bronson kills at least 50-100 guys in this movie(most of them at the end of course)and the characters I have to say, don’t make
any sense as far as them reacting to situations with such hatred that not even our Fucked-up world can contain today(well, at least not in the U.S. In most places. Whatever.) All characters also come with all the stereotypes of the people they portray. (Latino family, Jewish couple doing their things.) There’s also a
really stupid bad guy. (In both looks and wits) There’s bad dialogue overdubs, character’s who look disinterested, often looking off camera, and worst of all….a totally bummed out star and director.(I heard somebody say this. It’s a pretty valid rumor if you ask me.) But, yeah, I am almost 100% sure that has to be the problem with this film. Charles Bronson and director Michael Winner became bored with this movie series, and mailed it in because they were probably under contract to do this film even though they didn’t want to. (And by the way, there are 2 more sequels after this one, so I’ll probably document those on here too.) But, anyway, if you wanna waste your time watching this piece of crap, only watch it for the unintentional comedy that the film has a ridiculous amount of. So,……that’s all I gotta say.
Film Diary-0:00:40-Charles Bronson arriving in New York by bus. He has a look on his face that says 'ya know, I could throw on a half-decent performance even though I'm washed-up, but, nah...I think I'll mail it in instead.'
2:29-Jimmy Page from from Led Zeppelin does the music for the film. I'm sure this is a career highlight for him. Damn the 80's did terrible things to some really cool people like Charles Bronson, Eddie Van Halen, Page, Stevie Wonder, or basically anyone affected by the cocaine era that instantly became gay.
3:15-Ah shit, sometin's going down....
3:53-Yeah, I was right. The scumbags who we will all know and will eventually love **SPOILER ALERT** before they get killed** are robbing some poor old man(Charlie). He calls them 'sons of bitches' very fittingly.
4:15-Charles(named Kersey) gets off his bus. Page music blares as he steps off. How cool. This looks like a low-budget 70's kung fu style movie in the way it's shot. Those film's production quality blew like this film does only this film wasn't low budget. Huh. I'm just saying.
4:35-"The line's dead? How could that be? I'm sure he's getting beat to death and the assholes who are doing it cut the line. Yeah, I suspect.", thinks Kersey.
4:50-"Stay awake while were killing this guy." That part's funny for multiple reasons.
4:59-Terrible overdubbed dialogue. **ANOTHER SPOILER ALERT** The film is chock full of these."Thanks Mac." Also notice how he drives on the sidewalk without
at least almost not hitting anyone.
5:28-Finally somebody calls the police. They've been beating the guy for at least 3 minutes that I've been watching and now they finally do it?
5:50-Kids are playing in front of a shitty project in a gang-ridden neighborhood? And they're not black?(just kidding)(but not really) some rough neighborhood.
6:40-Charlie's dead. And "that son of a bitch Kersey killed him."(not really)
7:03-Kersey being falsely interrogated. Notice more terrible overdubbed sound effects such as when Kersy gets hit or punched in this scene.(small note: don't cha think because there were no bullet wounds on Charlie the cops would have to let Kersey go? I assume their interrogating him for murder with a deadly weapon right? Again, I'm just sayin'.)
7:09-"No bruises, see?" What's up with all the stomach shots in this movie?
7:11-"Here, want a glass of water?"(Joe Peschi Voice) "Huh?" "Well ya can't have it!"(I'm sure he'd much rather love some scotch instead dickbrain)(Terrible dialogue overdub that sounds like it came from another studio)"not until ya tell us what we wanna know."
7:19-"Who's this Dude?" asks the police chief.(Ed Lauter)(who? Yeah, I know) But anyway, did a 17 year old kid win a contest to write this movie? Seriously, who the fuck wrote this and thought that would be a good line? On top of that atrocity, the chief looks bored already like the guy playing him will indefinitely mail in his performance.(**SPOILER ALERT**He does)
7:35- So, after the chief tells the asshole cops to leave, he quickly recognizes Kersey like an old friend he hasn't seen in forever.
8:07-"Dude, you're in big trouble." says the chief. Again, what the fuck!? I know this is the 80's and all, but really? A police chief that says 'dude' constantly? This film has it all!
8:30- The chief calls Kersey dude again. That's number 3! Can I get a 4?(maybe later)
8:47-Kersey asks the chief if he always violates people's constitutional rights. The chief tells him it's his jail and he's the law! "That means I get to violate your constitutional rights" Says the chief while spontaneously punching Kersey in the face. Kersey after falling, kicks the chief in the johnson. (Terrible editing by the way throughout this scene, the laughable kind.) The cops come in the room again to haul Kersey off to the holding cell."And forget bail" says the chief to Kersey still holding himself. Wait, he can do that? Oh yeah, he's the muthafuckin' law.
9:58-"Looking for trouble man?" says some crazy black guy in the holding cell Kersey just entered. Of course, Kersey hasn't done anything. The guy punches some other guy much bigger than he instead of Kersey who quietly walks by, resulting in the black guy getting knocked to the ground with one punch from the bigger dude. The black guy crawls over to Kersey and calls him a fucker although, Kersey didn't do anything . Funny Scene.
10:18-Kersey needs to take a dump obviously, but can't because some big bald dude tells him "they tore it out" referring to the toilet, even though it's so obvious. Kersey turns his back to walk the other way, but again, the random guy Kersey just talked to tries to attack him. I don't know what the hell kind of attack method that was. The dude puts both of his hands together, and I guess, tries to club him? I don't know, but Kersey catches him in the act and shoves his head through the cell bars! The bald dude gets called a variety of names(such as fucker) and ridicule as he sobs on the ground bloodied head and all.(my favorite-"talk about gettin' shitfaced!" comedy gold. )
10:48-Ahhh Shit! Page music plays during which Kersey first notices Fraker( the movie's bad guy.)He looks stupid as a person possible can. He has blonde hair with a big streak of it shaved off down the middle. He has light freckles and a very unintimidating look. Here's a picture of him.(I don't care what the actors real name is.)
11:30-Fraker decides to make a move on Kersey.(don't know why he does this) Kersey struggles as about five guys are kicking at him while he's on the ground. Fraker punches him in the stomach twice and tells him" Hey man, I always win." (the shiniest and richest of all comedy gold) Kersey struggles to his feet and punches a sitting Fraker in the face. Fraker gets some guys to hold Kersey while he wails on his stomach a few times before the guards break it up.
12:26-After all the mayhem, Fraker finds out he's being released."See, I got a lawyer." says Fraker to Kersey." If they wouldn't have broken us up I woulda killed you.""Next time,...you won't even see me coming.""Tell ya what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna kill a little old lady, just for you. Catch it on the six a clock news." Wow. Three stupid quotes all in a row. That's truly impressive.
13:18-"Two more hours in this fuckin' pit!.......sure whatever you say." says Fraker after being told it's going to take some time to get the paperwork to go through. I guess he's not happy about it. I love how his energy goes from enraged to calm after he looks at the camera. (I'm guessing that's what he's doing.) Also, notice how his lawyer doesn't move a muscle and seems totally relaxed. That's some scary dude, that Fraker.
14:10-We find out Charlie's neighborhood was crime-ridden(well, after all, he was murdered viciously) But, only three murders? No Way. Seriously, those cops must really suck after hearing all that.
15:32-"Truth is I hate creeps too. But, I can't do much about em'. I'm a cop. But, you.....you shoot em, right?" If you don't find this line funny, read it a few more times, if nothing, well.....then go f**k yourself. You don't know what's funny.
16:26-The chief tells Kersey to go do his thing(meaning being Mr. Vigilante. Ya know. Shooting gang members for the hell of it.) except ....(da, da, daaaa) he works for the chief, otherwise, the chief holds him in jail until hell freezes over. Kersey has no choice.
17:29-Possession of a firearm is illegal in the city?(I think not)
18:50-"This is a sticker Hector. And you're the stickee.""No!" Fraker says as he sticks a gang member in the throat with his 'sticker'(a long bladed knife, you see plenty of these in the movie) He gets welcomed back Warrior's movie style.
19:05-Kersey meets the public defender Katherine Davis, whom he blows off.(because, ya know, he made that deal with the chief) so he doesn't want to sue. Also, notice the whole time they're talking, some irate black hoochie mama fights with and continuously swears at cops who are trying to contain her. I find that more interesting than what Miss Davis is saying to Kersey. Kersey walks out, and onto the streets.........
20:35-some woman is harassed by the hoodlums in the neighborhood.(she's some Latino guy's wife. I gotta admit, she's not bad looking. But, she's terrible throughout the film) the one hoodlum jumps on the windshield of her car as she's driving, harassing her sexually. She slams on the breaks, knocking him off. He goes to her window to attack her but, gets clubbed by a tire iron by Kersey instead. He's saves the day. The first of many.(opps! **SPOILER ALERT**)
21:25-Kersey meets Bennett for the first time. (Right before that, notice the look on Kersey's face when he first sees Bennett. He has a ' Who the F**k is this guy' look on his face. They both find out they were Charlie's friends and portray a connection as if they're going to go on a hot date and..........uhhhhhhhhhhhh.............I don't wanna think about that!.......(I puke) ok, I'm back. Anyway, two old guys, weird chemistry, they get along too well, it's uncomfortable to watch, so yeah.
22:44-"Who killed Charlie?" says Kersey sounding curious as hell. (notice a defining moment in a hall of fame mail in style acting for Mr. Bronson. He takes a second before realizing 'wait, I say this now!' moment. Just terrible editing and acting all around.
26:15-The giggler character is introduced. He laughs when he runs after mugging people.(Doesn't that sound like a character from an old comic book? If this movie has one good thing about it, it's that it has interesting character's. Unfortunatly, the rest of the movie blows)
27:10-"The cops, they do anything?" "Yeah, they enforce the parking laws."
27:20-Wildey's coming? Who's Wildey? You'll see.
28:03-How did Kersey get that much money? I don't know, but he's up to something.....
28:42-Stuffed cabbage smells wonderful? I wonder if Kersey thinks my ass smells wonderful too....
29:16-I don't get the joke...but that scene sure was funny. Well, apparently the car Kersey bought was a plan to lure the creeps in. They make a disturbance during the terrible acting of the dinner party. Two creeps are going through Kersey's car, so he excuses himself from the dinner, and goes outside and fills their guts full of magnum lead. Kersey said he "sent them a message."
30:35-"You're out of your area." says Fraker to an opposing gang member who his gang caught.(notice how his gang's name is never mentioned.)"Yeah this is our turf man!" "hurt him" says Fraker. Some gang member bitchslaps the dude while the giggler stands laughing. Then, Fraker tells them to kill him which some guy does with a fire ax. See kids, gangs are bad.
31:11-"Gentleman,the streets are full of degenerates. Arrest them!" says the cheif to his unit. I wonder if the film's writer hates cops, because the cheif sure says a lot of corny lines in this movie.
31:28-"Hey,...What the fuck are you looking at!" says some creep who looks like Ricky Williams to the hispanic guy, whatever his name is. (The hispanic guy of course didn't look at him, just so you know) Then, the creep asks him for $5, being persistint in getting it. Of course, it's probably not gonna work, ya know asking a guy what the fuck he's looking at, then asking him for money, ya know? I'm just sayin'. The creep then calls the hispanic guy 'sucker' then looks at his friend to set the dude and his wife up, to probably beat them down and rob them. But, Kersey saves the day by punching the Ricky Williams fella in the kisser, (which he flops after getting hit. It's pretty clear he does.) The creeps run off like pansies. Then, some 10-year old kid from outta nowhere says "yeah, right on man!"(We see his little fucker more in the movie. He just shows up to cheer Kersey on at various times in the movie.)
32:42-Kersey gets a call from Fraker. Fraker tells him he's going to be dead and that he's watching him.OOOOOOOO I'm scared. Kersey looks rather pleased he's getting to the scumshit. Soon after, Kersey realizes he'd been robbed by some asshole through the window. So, he uses a technique that the fuckers from Home alone(skip to 1:20 mark) ripped off.(placing sharpe object under window opening.)
34:37-Fraker's the cheif creep? And he's a perfect citizen with a clean record? Wasn't he just in jail with Kersey?
35:50-Kersy gets a visit from Miss Davis(the public defender) who came up town to ask Kersey out on a date! She's only met him once and talked with him for how long, and for all she know's, he's running a prosititution ring. I didn't know Kersey was this good.(oh, did I mention she's about 28 and he's about 55? He's really good.)
38:01-The jewish people living in the building get their gun taken from them. So, their protection is gone. This sets them up by them getting robbed easily. (They live on the first floor, so the creeps come up the fire escape and because it's so hot, the idiot guy decides to leave the window wide open!) The scene shows Ricky Williams again with some other guy robbing the jewish people right in front of them. Ricky tells the guy "Listen, We'll come in here anytime we like. You got that! POPS! (the creep laughing hysterically) as he leaves, he looks back at them and screams "ANYTIME!! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!! Probably one of the funnier quotes and scenes in the movie. The jewish people are saddened in the scene, obviously, for our extrodinary enjoyment.
39:13-But it's ok, Kersey's on the case! He hears their problem, and bulds a.......I don't know what the hell to call it. Well, it's a long, wide board, attatched to some giant springs that's tied to a lever on the window. When the creeps come in, they move the lever, which pulls the string, hitting the creep and knocking them out of the window. Make sense? Well, that's the best I can do if you don't. The Jewish people are extremely pleased. Bennett, comes in to ask what the hells going on."Thinning the heard." says Kersey with a smile.
40:06-Cocaine. This is a good way to prepare for a robbery.
40:38-Well, Ricky tried to rob the jews place again, and a know it's a shocker, but he got hit by the contraption Kersey built, and failed. And he lost his two front teeth in the board.
41:31-The giggler strikes again. And gets away.....bawwwhaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!
42:07-Well, Wildey arrives. It turns out, .....It's a gun! It fires a .475 Wildey bullet. It's a shorter version of the African Big Game cartridge. Unbelievable! Kersey says "it makes a real mess."
42:52-In the next scene, the latino guy's wife is kidknapped and raped by the creeps. They always manage to outdo themselves. Some old people try to help her, but are chased away and called perverts instead. Also, some sercurity camera guy was taking a massive shit(I assume), so he just missed all the action, and the creeps got away with the woman. Also, notice the delayed reaction by the woman when the car stops. It's as if the director didn't know the camera was rolling, then told her to act badly. Also, we are treated to several nice shots of the woman's breast. So, despite the ugly scene, (muttered) yeah.
44:51-It turns out that getting raped caused the woman to break her arm, but then horribly even worse news ensues. "Mrs. Rodriguez has expired." says the doctor.(meaning she's dead you morons.) (although, I didn't know someone could die from a broken arm. It's not possible right?) Mr. Rodriguez is crushed. The doctor also seems deeply saddened by this tragic event.
46:35-Well, Kersey is pissed. So, to cool off, he goes down the street to get some ice cream and takes his camera with him. When he goes in the store, we see that little fuckin' kid again. Kersey buys his ice cream too. Kersey walks out, and what do ya know, it's the motherfuckin' Giggler. Kersey sets him up by holding his camera behind his back, so the Giggler can take it and run. So, the Giggler runs and takes the camera, Kersey, instense and intent as hell at shooting this fuckin' prick, throws down his ice cream carelessely, and pulls out his gun, ever so cool, and 'Wham-Bam!' blows the Giggler away with one shot through his back, exit wound in the chest. Of course with the god damn Wildey gun. The whole neighborhood watched Kersey do this and applauded him on his precise killing.
48:09-"They Killed the Giggler, man.""They Killed the Giggler!" says some gang member. The gang seems to be taking his loss pretty hard. It's hard losing a psychotic friend who has a stealing problem. Especially when you have the same problem."They had no buisness doing that. None." says Fraker.
49:27-Kersey goes to meet Ms. Davis for his date. Kersey says wine of a certain kind is good and so is chicken, which Ms. Davis made. Some more terrible acting by Ms. Davis. She gets all upset about the work she does. Her opinion on the work she does goes from 'I like it most of the time' to 'Sometimes' to 'Yeah, I hate it'. She's just so convincing. Also, Kersey before said he liked opera, but now when Ms. Davis asks him again, he said he didn't. So, why did he say he did? I mean, it wasn't funny, or smart sooooooooo why was it there? oh, yeah, I forgot, a 17 year old high schooler wrote his after his name was drawn out of a hat. Kersey leaves right after saying the idiotic line.
52:02-Fraker gets the gang all high before they go after Kersey. Kersey takes out the Wildey gun. This must mean business. Kersey and Fraker chase each other, Fraker shoots at Kersey with an Uzi, missing him every time. Kersey dives to dodge the crappy shooting of Fraker and throws his gun in the process, losing it. (Why he threw his fucking gun, I’ll never be able to figure out.) So, now Kersey’s running around without Wildey. Oh No! (He’ll be ok. Ah Dammit, **SPOILER ALERT**) Kersey gets trapped by two hoodlums in some underground ally place. He kicks the crap outta one, but the other one stabs him in the back with a sticker, which he then punches the fucker in the face and ketchup, (opps, I meant blood) comes oozing out of his mouth. (I swear it’s really ketchup. Maybe Kersey hit him so hard he coughed up his lunch? Who knows?) He pulls the knife out, studies it like a mysterious fossil, and then pulls off his jacket, which reveals he’s wearing a vest, so no harm done. Then, outta nowhere, another gang member comes running toward Kersey. Kersey throws the knife, but misses. He puts down a big wooden object to obstruct the creep from getting to him. It doesn’t work. Some annoying Page music blares as Kersey runs until he’s trapped in a corner. The gang’s members close in on him. Fraker tells some guy that looks like an Indian “He’s all yours. Go get him.” Kersey climbs up the fire escape ladder closest to him to get away. (Why didn’t Fraker just shoot him like he’s been trying to do?) So, the guy chases after Kersey threw the building, even through some man’s apartment, up to the roof. Kersey finds a conveniently placed crowbar, and hides in a shadow. The creep falls into Kersey’s trap by walking by the shadow area and not spotting Kersey, and then gets hit a few times by the crowbar and then Kersey throws a mannequin,………. I mean the creep off the roof onto a car, killing him. Kersey somehow makes it back onto the ground in less than 4 seconds, finds Wildey, and scrams, because the cops are coming.
56:54-The chief wants to talk. He tells Kersey to keep it on the downlow. Kersey doesn’t listen, and tells the chief “it’s not finished” “It’s like killing roaches; you have to kill them all otherwise what’s the point.”
57:32-Fraker's at it again. This time he kills the Italian guy's wife.(I think he's Italian) Fraker calls Kersey shortly afterwards and tells him he's mad.(Big, deep, long laugh by myself after hearing this)
59:10-Bennett tells Kersey "He's got something for them (the creeps) It’s a .30 caliber browning machine gun. He says Charlie brought it home from the war. How he got a gun that big back to the states without being caught, I’ll never know, again. Bennett says “it shoots some nice big holes in the sons of bitches.” Kersey declines the offer, although it would work better than the Wildey, I’m just sayin’.
1:00:32-Kersey can start his car after those creeps tore it apart? Oh, right, I didn’t mention that, did I? Well, when Kersey shot those two creeps during the dinner party, they tore apart his car. And miraculously, it somehow starts up and runs! Fraker is following him though. DUH, DUH, DUH…….
1:00:44-Kersey pops in to see Ms. Davis. Apparently, she called and told him to come over and she was gonna tell him something important. She’s leaving the city? “What?” says Kersey sounding casual as if it doesn’t bother him. She’s fed up with it I guess. She bitches some, then turns to Kersey and says “I just wanted to see you one more time.” (Romantic music plays) “I didn’t think you wanted to leave the city.” WHAT!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! Did you just not listen to her bitch and moan the last two times you’ve seen her(he’s only seen her 3 times) and ya didn’t think that maybe she couldn’t stand being there? Kersey, you fucking numbskull. Anyway, from one really stupid quote to a terribly portrayed scene in which Kersey and Ms. Davis kiss romantically while the music is still playing making it a really emotional scene, which ends with Kersey banging her. (There’s nothing to see, after the big travesty of that scene, so bummer.)
1:01:44-Kersey tells Ms. Davis after banging her, that his wife was murdered and so was his daughter. So, after jovial conversation, they decide to get something to eat. In which, Fraker is outside in his car waiting for him. They follow Kersey. Kersey parks his car to get his mail. (That's why they stop? ok.)Of course, I saw this coming. Fraker comes to the car’s door where Ms. Davis is. He punches her right in the face.(I mean, what a nice shot) He and his buddy put the car in neutral and let it roll on down the street. Kersey comes out to see what’s going on, but…..it’s too late. The car slams into another car and for some reason, it blows up into a fiery explosion. So,….I guess she’s dead. First, his wife, then his daughter, and now……Ms.Davis. It’s like every woman he gets close to gets murdered viciously. I guess that’s why they call the movie series “Death Wish” don’t they? Kersey, by the way, doesn’t seem hurt at all of this tragedy.
1:05:00-Kersey is taken into protective custody for the Giggler incident, And that’s when all the fun starts.(well, for the bad guys.) They start by blowing up Bennett’s auto shop place. He’s pissed, so he goes to look for Kersey, but he’s not there. So, he’ll have to fuck-up these guys on his own. So he goes to get Charlie’s machine gun. All the creeps run away when they see the gun Bennett has, but then they realize it isn’t working, which it’s not for some reason. Some guy even yells “It’s not working! Let’s kill the fucker!” in which they all swarm the stairs to get Bennett. He barely gets fucked up. I mean he got hit a few times, but come on. So, the Latino guy and some other guy run to Bennett’s aid to take him to the hospital.
1:07:12-Well, Kersey’s still in jail. And the chief doesn’t want to talk to him, so says the one cop guy. But then, the chief walks in to release Kersey. Huh, imagine that. They go to see Bennett in the hospital.
1:08:35-The chief lets Kersey see Bennett privately. But, Kersey escapes out the wide open window on the conveniently placed fire escape instead. He gets away.
1:08:52-Kersey goes to the post office and gets a few packages, probably the ones Bennett told him to get while he was in the hospital. After going back to the building, Kersey gets Charlie’s gun and some bullets, and finds the Latino guy while walking outside.(Notice how the Latino guy isn’t at all surprised he’s carrying a gun that big with a big box of bullets in broad daylight. This Kersey guy is amazing.) The Latino guy helps him fix up the gun and prepare to go fight the creeps. Kersey brings the Wildey gun with him as well.
1:10:08-Some gang member notices Kersey’s back and runs to the gang’s hideout to warn them. Fraker is nervous, so he panics and you’re not gonna believe this, but he…..calls a fellow gang for extra guys! I didn’t know gangs can do that. It may be different when a country allies with another in war, but we’re talking about one fuckin’ guy here!! That’s Kersey, that they’re up against! And that pussy Fraker can’t take on Kersey with his gang of like 20 guys???? Come on. In the next scene, it appears Kersey has an explosive of some kind in one of the packages. And it’s….Duh, Duh, Duh!! A missile launcher! This movie keeps on getting better. The Latino guy has a zip gun. (Why the fuck didn’t he use it before? Like when the Ricky Williams creep bothered him at the market. I don’t get it.) Then, in the next scene, some biker gang (the one Fraker called) shows up. The gang is ecstatic. They hug and welcome the biker gang like a bunch of homos before wreaking havoc among the neighborhood. (There’s that fuckin’ kid again) But, before they do too much, Kersey and the Latino guy pop out of a door and blast the creeps away with the machine gun. The Jewish lady sees Kersey doing this and tells her husband so joyfully, as if she just saw Jesus. As the whole apartment building sees this, apparently, they all get their guns nice and ready for combat. (Everybody has guns? What!?) Kersey blasts some more creeps away in an ally, of course with the help of his trusty aid, Mr. Spic, uh….I mean Latino guy(sorry all you wetbacks out there) Then, he goes to a corner and shoots some more(one guy screams like a chick)(small chuckle by myself) after being shot. Then, after all that, some doofy white gang member asks Fraker “Who the hell’s firing, man? You told someone to fire?” in which the small gang of Fraker’s meets with the mighty rumble of the biker gang. They again, hug each other like homos. Three words sum this up: WHAT THE FUCK?! Shortly after that extremely gay could only happen in an 80’s movie type moment, the gang wreaks more havoc, this time on a guy which they whip in the face with a chain and beat him pissless. They do this while smashing and destructing the hell out of some poor old woman’s car. Then, the biker’s drive-by and throws grenades in a hardware store. Then, Kersey has a car full of scumbags coming down the street directly toward him while shooting at them. It takes a minute, but he blows the living hell out of em’. This causes the car to crash into a parked car, while flipping over and exploding. The Latino guy tells Kersey they’re out of ammo with the machine gun. So, Kersey sits it down and runs. A police helicopter reports it’s a full scale riot. Fasten your seatbelts, folks (if you haven’t already.) It’s gonna be a hell of a last 10 minutes. Some scumbags on top of a roof building throw burning homemade explosives onto cars while killing the Italian guy by shooting him while he’s burning to death anyway since the stop, drop, and roll method didn’t come out till the 90’s (Did it? I don’t know. Don’t really care.) After a small scene of biker’s throwing more grenades at buildings, it’s Kersey Time. He’s got Wildey and he’s totally focused solely on killing people from here on out. He’s shoots two creeps while being shot in the stomach, but he had a vest on, so again, he’s ok. Then, he stands all out in the open in front of two more creeps. They’re shooting at him, but they must have fingers that got smashed by a hammer right before, because they can’t get anywhere close. Kersey blows the one away as if he’s expecting to get shot, then blows the other away in a getting shot scene that’s so terribly funny, I can’t describe it in words. Well, let me try; he acts as if somebody shoved a giant teaser through his ass, and out his mouth. That’s the best I can do. Shot of the Jewish people again. They seem to be happy there’s rioting and uncontrollable violence around their neighborhood. There’s some more footage of building’s burning as it’s being reported on the news with more violence as the cops win a shootout against some creeps. Then, an attempted rape occurs in which about 4 or 5 creeps try to rape a black woman with some GIANT jugs. Nice. But, before they do, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh,…..duh, duh, duh, duh, duh….duh, duh, duh, duh…duh, duh, duh…..(that’s supposed to be the ride of the valkyries music. Ya know, the Apocalypse Now theme? Forget it.) Anyway, Kersey’s here! And he blows all the scumbag’s away!! Then, a scene of Fraker shooting some cops followed by a satisfied but extremely creepy look on his face. Bennett looks out his window and smiles like Morgan Freeman when he gets out of Shawshank. O happy day! “ O, boy” he says. (These neighborhood people are all deranged.) Then, a group of neighborhood people set the biker’s up by having them drive into a giant chain. They all shoot proudly and boldly at the biker’s after they’d fall off their bike’s and crashed, killing them all and forming a big mob after the killing, jumping up and down. After that stupid scene, Fraker shoots an old couple after setting their apartment and them on fire. Then, a scene in which a biker tries to hide after running from the cops , in which he falls into a Kersey trap by having a long board with a spike in it, stab him in the forehead after he pulled the door open, setting off the trap, so therefore, it kills him. Back to Kersey again, and he’s about to get shot by some creep out of a window! OH NO!!!....But, the Latino guy saves him by shooting him with the zip gun.(Huh, I guess these spics aren’t worthless after all) (Just Kidding)(but not really) they both shake their guns at each other as if to say ‘thanks’ and ‘no problem’. After a blissful shooting scene, Kersey shoots some punk in which he screams Looney Tunes style while falling. Well, after the manic shooting scene, the Latino guys’ out of shells for his zip gun(like he was any help anyway.) (He really wasn’t. Kersey shot all the guys.) Then, as Kersey’s reloading Wildey, the doofy white punk sneaks up on him and aims to shoot……..and BAM!!! Outta fuckin’ nowhere, it’s the chief! He saves Kersey by shooting the doofy guy then saying “I owed you that one dude!” That’s dude number 4! (Like I said earlier) Then, the chief and Kersey go on along crusade of running and shooting creeps in the process. Funny moments: when the teenage girl blows some creep through a window with a shogun bigger than she and some older woman hitting two creeps out of her window with a giant broom, awesome.
1:24:03-Fraker spots Kersey running, but not knowing he's out of bullets for Wildey. He looks intent on getting to him. Kersey runs back into his apartment to reload, but he doesn’t know Fraker’s following him. Fraker gets ready to shoot and………the chief comes in and shoots Fraker in the neck, in which Fraker shoots the chief, and then Kersey shoots Fraker about three times, in which he falls to the floor. Is he dead?………….....................NO!! Fraker’s eye opens and he jumps up and says ”Hey, bullet-proof, asshole!” to Kersey after slapping himself in the chest ”Just like yours.” The chief points out to Fraker that he can’t shoot both of them, which he says “Bet me!” Fraker can’t decide who he’s gonna shoot, so Kersey quickly picks up the missile launcer right next to him, and blows the stupid look Fraker has right on his face before he gets blown away completely, blasting a hole through the wall that sends his gang members into a shock. They all see Fraker’s burning dead carcass on the ground and decide to back off.(wait a minute…..Fraker’s body is still intact? What!?) Well, as all the chaos ensues, the chief turns to Kersey and says “Ya better get goin’.” In which Kersey packs his stuff and walks away in the distance as the credits roll. The End.
With all due respect to the real Malcolm X, Denzel is just cooler.
